Mighty Kerry takes the duck

Columnist : Albert Paschall

When the swift boat vets unleashed their roar
Mighty John Kerry’s aides just hit the door
In despair profound he sought new ground
Calling on Bill Clinton to come around

But Bill soon begged off, his ticker was weak
Not much he could do anyway to end this losing streak

Mighty Kerry knew he would need a new start
And couldn’t be slowed down by Clinton ‘s weak heart
But where, oh where would help come from
Advice from Tereza and a lawyer named Shrum?

Then came the lusty shrieking that sounded so clearly
His help had arrived and her name was Hillary

“Mighty Kerry take heart this race you can win.
Cheney’s too slow, you can surely catch him!
Bring on the team that gave Bill a new start:
Joe Johnson, Mike Curry and Joel Lockhart.”

“How brilliant! How wise!” mighty Kerry proclaimed
“Surely they can get me elected
If they could clear Big Bill’s name.”

With glee and good manner the team set the stage
For the mighty John Kerry to turn history’s page
His team leapt forward in electoral points
Surely on Election Day he’d clean out the joint

The outlook was brilliant that sunny October week –
Mighty Kerry its seems would never see defeat
But the Clinton aides looked across this great land
And said: “You can’t win looking like a girlie-man.”

“But I’m manly,” he cried, “more manly than Bush,
Even had my own swift boat in Vietnam ‘s brush!”
“Don’t bring up that war!” cried the three, “its old news!”
“If you keep it up you surely are going to lose!”

“Ya know what? We need you to go shoot a goose.”

So like a page out of ‘Guns and Ammo’
There’s mighty Kerry with a shotgun, dressed in camo
He raises his shiny new gun to the sky
And on that very day the duck did indeed die

But more than a duck died on that fine fall day
Mighty John Kerry’s chance to be president too flew away
And slowly but surely for 10 days to come,
His dream faded into the November sun.

The sad part, in fact, was that much too late
Mighty Kerry would figure out who sealed his fate
Making way for President H. Rodham-Clinton in 2008.

Albert Paschall
Senior Commentator
The Lincoln Institute of Public Opinion Research, Inc.

[email protected]