Social Science: Taking the Pee Out of Physics

Member Group : Jerry Shenk

Everyone knows that male plumbing comes in handy on hikes and picnics, but, who knew that standing up to urinate gives boys an unfair advantage in physics?

Three Australian professors, cohabitants of an hermetic academic bubble in which apparently nothing is too preposterous to publish, have postulated that boys’ are early learners of projectile physics because they stand to micturate.

In an article entitled “Taking the pee out of physics: how boys are getting a leg-up,” Anna Wilson, Kate Wilson, and David Low argue that upright urination allows boys to master physics, putting girls at a learning disadvantage. They write, "The gender gap in physics, and other related subjects including engineering, has long been a…concern. … [W]e have to ask: why don’t young women perform as well in physics?"

Unsurprisingly, their “sciency” conclusion is fully-immersed in the same asinine, faux-intellectual identity politics espoused by many modern social “scholars.”

The professors argue that, because they do it as many as five times a day, “by 14, boys have had the opportunity to play with projectile motion around 10,000 times. And 14 is when many children meet formalised physics in the form of projectile motion and Newton’s equations of motion for the first time.” Sigh… Unfortunately, the late Mme. Marie Curie, two-time Nobel Laureate for physics, was unavailable for comment.

Wait, it gets sillier: “The fact that boys…play with their ability to projectile pee is hardly contentious. Boys are trained to pee into toilet bowls with floating targets, a huge variety of which can be bought on Amazon; Amsterdam Airport Schiphol famously cleaned up its urinals by encouraging men to hit flies etched next to the drain; and Peeball is now a worldwide phenomenon [it is?].

“Meanwhile, YouTube videos explain how to write your name in the snow with your pee [print or cursive?]; and the post-match celebration peeing antics of sportsmen are widely reported in the media [really?]. Indeed, the very notion of a pissing contest â€" furthest, highest, most precisely aimed â€" is a deeply embedded part of some cultures.” Imagine how many Nobel Laureates for physics those cultures must have produced!

But, let’s gender-reverse the “logic” — As girls develop breasts, they carefully fit brassieres to support them. Because of their earlier introduction to Newton’s law of universal gravitation, mass, weight and the analysis of those combined stresses on suspended structures, young women must have an unfair advantage over boys in mechanical and civil engineering.

But, women aren’t over-represented in engineering fields, either, so it’s highly probable that reasons having nothing to do with gender-related micturition methodologies explain their underrepresentation in physics.

You simply cannot make this stuff up â€" until somebody inexplicably does. Sadly, these people are serious. One fears that, once they learn that a few obscure academics have irrationalized gender theories well beyond another illogical conclusion, America’s militant feminists and tendentious social justice warriors will demand that government make it illegal for male children to pee while standing.

But, they’ll still defend transgenders’ rights to choose public restrooms.