Things That Make Me Laugh: Campaign 2020 Edition

Member Group : Jerry Shenk

Democrats I know accept that my vote isn’t “gettable,” but dislike that their candidates make me laugh. “C’mon, man,” why wouldn’t I?

After all, last year, The Week reported, “no fewer than 30 people could end up running…” Then, in a priceless December USA Today/Suffolk University poll of Democrats and independent voters, seventy percent of respondents wanted Hillary Clinton to sit out the 2020 campaign. She has – so far – but Hillary is lurking, because…you never know, right?

“Someone entirely new” topped the list of announced/rumored Democratic presidential wannabes. Amusingly, “anonymous” generated more excitement than Joe Biden, Robert Francis O’Rourke, Bernie Sanders, Kamala Harris, Cory Booker and Elizabeth Warren.

No subsequent entrant has generated much enthusiasm, either, nonetheless, the mob’s entertainment value has been extraordinary.

Let’s see…did Joe Sestak’s June announcement make it an even thirty? – and who the heck is Joe Sestak? Sadly, Oprah Winfrey didn’t announce, but Oprah’s spiritual guru, Marianne Williamson, did. (Note to self: Send Marianne a dollar to get her back into the debates.)

Arrested-adolescent, millionaire-by-marriage O’Rourke spent weeks “finding himself.” Among things he “found” – and shared publicly – were images from a dental cleaning, arguably history’s least-tasteful campaign event. In a Washington Post interview, O’Rourke suggested that the Constitution, a document American presidents swear to uphold, may no longer apply to the United States.

USA Today and others revealed that Sen. Kamala Harris got started in politics as an “escort” to one of California’s most influential politicians, married former San Francisco mayor and State Assembly Speaker Willie Brown. So, ironically, a Democratic “feminist voice” was actually “empowered” by the party’s patriarchy.

In an awkward interview, Sen. Corey Booker invented a new language: “Swiss! Yeah, I do not speak Swiss.” There was a time when American sixth graders knew the Swiss speak three languages, none of them “Swiss.”

Bernie Sanders must run as what he is – a heterosexual Caucasian male. Sanders urged, “[L]ook at candidates…not by the color of their skin, not by their sexual orientation or their gender and not by their age. …[W]e have…to move…toward a non-discriminatory society which looks at people…based on what they stand for.” Never happen. Elderly straight white guys, even socialists, inevitably lose “intersectionality’s” grievance sweepstakes.

Gaffe-prone Joe Biden is hilarious when he’s actually campaigning. Elizabeth Warren swore that “nobody will do a ‘handsy thing’ with me,” something virtually no one, even Joe Biden, has considered in years.

Because it’s a General Election loser, the DNC recently dismayed climate alarmists by ruling out a primary debate on climate change, so CNN helpfully broadcast a 7-hour marathon in which each candidate who met debate criteria had a 40-minute interview on climate policy. CNN may get an Emmy for their televised bombastic/apocalyptic “climate” competition, but CNN didn’t get many viewers – unless video clips in President Trump’s 2020 campaign ads count. What, precisely, is “environmental justice,” anyway?

Political investors, here’s today’s Democrat “Dow”: Biden, sell; Sanders, sell; media darling du jour Warren, hold – for now; Harris, sell; O’Rourke, sell; Booker, sell; Buttigieg, sell; Clinton…buy?